I’m Learning

I’m learning these days that the more I surrender to God, the more I bring everything I have, everything I am, and I lay it at his feet, the more authentic I become. In giving to God, I lose NOTHING and gain EVERYTHING. That includes every type of giving. Giving of my money, of my time, of my heart. I find it difficult to give of my time, I must admit. There always seems to be so much that needs to be done and I find it difficult to just sit still before God and listen to His gentle voice. I get so carried away in my thoughts, and my activities and my peace flurries away like a sugar-deprived human chasing an ice-cream van.

I’m learning though, how to be a real human with a real faith. Our imperfections and shortcomings are inevitable and totally predictable and that is wonderfully acceptable. It is okay for us to fall short, to be angry, cranky moan-bags sometimes. We will live and love and hurt and cry and shout and cry some more and be angry and then, by the grace of God, we will forgive.

I’m learning to forgive myself, amongst other things, as I tend to be very hard on myself. Prone to anxious panic in my mind, I beat myself up because of my fear. I’m learning to be gentle with me, to give me grace, to accept my fear and surrender it to God. I’m learning to feel, without needing to be numbed, to face myself as I really am, regardless of whether or not I like me. I’m learning. We all are. Every day. We will continue to for the rest of our lives. What have you learnt lately?

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